Hello everyone. I have neglected this for well over a month and i feel heartily ashamed. And yet i still can't be bothered to write, so i've decided to just upload some stuff i've already writen. Like this (true) story about how hard it can be for me to use public transport.



Dear Mr. or Mrs. United Airlines,

You are going to find this out sooner or later anyway so I might as well tell you now and get it out in the open. This is a letter of complaint. Moreover, this is a letter for compensation asking for money I had to spend after certain things had gone wrong with a few of your flights. Let me set the scene.

I’m sitting at departure gate C6 at Chicago airport. I’ve got myself a Big Mac from a near by McDonalds, I’m now only one flight away from seeing my girlfriend and I have a very friendly and chatty Irishman sitting next to me. I’m a happy man. However, as time passes I start to become noticeable less cherrful. My flight does not come on the board at the departure gate. After waiting a while, at about the time that the plane should be taking it comes on the board, delayed from 9.50 to around 11.50. Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t want compensation for that. I think we all expect planes to be delayed sometimes (although when I tell you that the flight – UA7512 - was delayed because of a missing crew you may start to understand why I was a little dubious of United Airlines. No, I may as well be honest, a little bit upset with you guys.)

My time in America passed a little too quickly for my liking and after a wonderful couple of weeks with the Woman I had to set off for my home in sunny old England. We arrive at Indianapolis airport and check in to discover my flight to Chicago (where I catch I connecting plane with Air India – remember that, it will come in important later) has been delayed. Fair enough we thinks, we go get some coffee at a nearby Starbucks (they seem to be everywhere nowadays.)

During our refreshment break we continually look at the
departures board and yet my flight does not appear to me up there. Irritating of course, but probably not your fault, that I assume is Indianapolis’ Airport’s problem. ‘No problem’ I think to myself, I’ll just go check with the United Airlines check in desk. Between us, my girlfriend and I checked with three employees. They all said the same thing, as did the automatic telephony service you provide. The plane will take off at 7.15 they assured me. Which it did. However, they also told me that it would be departing form gate D7 which, as it turned out it most certainly did not. After passing security (my, aren’t they thorough nowadays, I’m pretty sure the guy that patted me down did some cupping, and in fact, didn’t even give me his number.) I sat at gate D7 for about quarter of an hour before I got a bit worried. There were no lights and no people. To begin with I thought it may have simply been delayed further (how would I know, it wasn’t on the board) but after another 5 minutes I act on my Sherlock Holmesian instincts and go on a hunt for either my plane or assistance. I find the latter, well ‘assistance’ only to be told my flight has already left. Poor show United Airlines.

However, you know it isn’t even for this crock of shit mis-advice that I want compensation. That was only the start. Oh yes, the plot thickens. In fact, to be fair to you, your guys did amazingly and manage to get me another flight in about half an hour, flight UA7785. We board this plane only about 20 minutes late, which I was rather impressed with. At this rate I might still make me connecting flight (remember, the one I told you about earlier.) However, once we had all boarded and had been through the safety instructions we were still unable to up, up and away because the crew were unable to shut the door. Yes, the main cabin door would not shut. It would not shut when they pushed it, it would not shut when they pulled it and it still (surprisingly) wouldn’t shut after five burly guys came from maintenance another twenty minutes later and ran at with all their strength, causing the plane to wobble liberally (and quite disturbingly may I add.)

At this point in time I was felt uncannily similar to how I feel in the mornings. My alarm clock is set to go off at eight o’clock every morning. However, I invariably reset it to first eight twenty, eight thirty, eight thirty five and if it was a particularly heavy one the night before even down to minutes like eight thirty seven. However, it comes down to a point where you can’t put off getting up any longer. It’s balls to the walls time, either I get up, or I miss my appointment. Either that door shuts now or I miss my flight. Maintenance gives one final push. One more desperate lunge, as he bravely and dutifully throws his entire sizeable, nay, formidable weight at it in a laughable maneuver, a last ditch ‘attempt’ to shut it and save the day. The door gives an unnerving crack but crucially stays open; laughing heartily at all those around it, mocking them to their faces, as it rolls, slowly and knowingly back open.

About quarter of an hour after the maintenance men are finished standing around and looking at the problem some more (bloody hell why not get a cup of tea and biscuits whilst you’re at it) a rather sheepish looking flight attendant informs us all that we all have to deplane and get on a new plane which will be pulling up shortly. We all alight and stand in poor shelter from the howling wind (barely out of the rain) as I assess my options with the sheepish but I must say distinctly pleasant and to a lesser extent helpful flight attendant. I can either travel to Chicago now hours late and miss my connecting flight or I can stay in Indianapolis with my friends. Unsurprisingly I plump for the latter option and go back to the gate to rebook my flight. The attendant sorts me out with a plane ticket and says they’ll contact Air India to sort out a new connecting flight. ‘Aha’ I think to myself, It all looks like it’s going to work out alright. That is until I find out the two following things. Firstly, my luggage has already been sent to Chicago. Meaning I am stuck in Indianapolis overnight wearing nothing but pajama bottoms, a t-shirt, a fleece and a smile. Irritating. Secondly, after phoning up Air India to check if my flights have in fact been rebooked I find that they don’t fly out the next day so I am in fact stuck in Indianapolis for two days wearing nothing but a fleece, a t-shirt pajama bottoms and a smile. It appears that in fact United Airlines had in fact NOT contacted them at all. More than irritating. That verges on lies. Wait, that is lies. Anyway, I’ll come to the point. During the next two days (however pleasant they were) there were various expenses as a consequence of your late and gate changing flights.

Firstly, I had to buy new clothes (as my exsisting ones had already been shipped into the unknown.) These came to about 30 dollars. Food during the next two days also came to (at a minimum) thirty bucks. I would appreciate if this would be reimbursed. I believe these to be costs that my friends and I should not have be lumbered with.

Secondly, come the more serious direct effects of not being able to get to Chicago. I was charged 45 dollars by Air India to reschedule my flight (which I believe I should not have to pay as if it were not for my bad connection (i.e your services) in Indianapolis I would have arrived in plenty of time. Secondly, I had purchased a train ticket (which I enclose) which was valid until the 15th of January. Had I have been able to get my original flight I would have been able to travel that day. However, as a direct consequence of my delay I could not travel until the sixteenth. The ticket cost thirty two pounds sixty pence which is probably about fifty dollars. I expect these to be returned to me as a matter of course.

One last thing that I wish to say is as follows. Although as I have detailed in the above letter your services are somewhat haphazard and in fact sometimes don’t even happen, your crew are extremely friendly about not doing them. If it were truly the thought that counted, then this would be an entirely different kind of letter, namely one of congratulations. Air India it seems are the opposite. Needlessly, churlishly rude in doing it, but at least they succeed I guess. A bit like the people down at Chicago O’Hare airport. The airport keeps on going but bloody hell are they viscous about doing it. Bugger me if they don’t enjoy shouting at you in that place.

Anyway, that’s enough of my blather,

Thank you for reading this,

I anticipate a swift return,

Love from Simon Baker – a disgruntled customer.

P.S I am serious about getting money from you. If you don’t reply to this letter I may have to write yet another, substantially sterner letter.